Living Your Illuminated Life – Part 3 of 3

Illumination Can Happen When You Least Expect It

My baby sister is ten years younger than I am. I noticed when she was about 17 there was something that was different about her. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. She was shrinking from being the fun-loving person she always was. Her eyes changed. Her posture sunk. Her conversations were short. She wouldn’t look me in the eyes.

She would disappear for days at a time. There was something covering her light. I suspected what IT was. IT was the taboo thing that no one wanted to talk about. And my family didn’t. We wanted to believe it was something different. IT was drugs. IT was meth. My baby sister was now 18 and a meth addict. When I said that for the first time it felt as if my chest would collapse. I couldn’t believe it. How could this happen? What did I do to make this happen? What did my parents do? I was looking for anything or anyone to blame.

The next two years taught me to see light whenever possible. Whenever the phone rang late at night my heart would sink. I dreaded answering the phone. Was it the police telling me she was arrested? Busted? Or an overdose?  What was worse, getting a call that she overdosed or the possibility that this hell would continue for years to come? What happened to my baby sister? And why couldn’t I stop it? That was the question that really tore me up. If I made a difference, why couldn’t I make the difference for her?

My family did an intervention. Lillian moved in with me to get her away and into a new environment that could maybe save her. We searched for a detox, rehab, therapy, anything we could find and afford. Pleading with people at the facilities to help her didn’t help. It all cost money, money we didn’t have. Some programs were $5,000, some $30,000. Then I found one 40 minutes away that cost $1,800 and their success rate was incredible I thought it was too good to be true? The two young men who ran the program were recovered addicts themselves. They were clean. They had their life back. For the first time I saw light in this situation. When I saw that my sister had hope, the light got brighter.  Another creation out of what appeared from nothing, except the possibility and commitment to move forward.

During this process, Lillian and I had the talk. It was the talk that changed everything for me. She explained to me what it was like to have a withdrawal and to think of anything she could do to make it go away. The thought process she would go through to justify why she knew another fix wouldn’t solve it and the guilt that would come when she did because she wasn’t strong enough to stop. She looked at me and I couldn’t hold it back anymore. What she described was something I knew. I had the same thoughts and just carried it out differently. My drug of choice was food. That process of thinking was exactly the cycle I had lived for almost ten years. The hunger, the knowing it won’t fulfill you, doing whatever it takes to get it, then feeling guilty because one more time IT won. I spent two years being angry, judgmental and scared only to discover we were the same. Our behavior was the same. The guilt was the same. The self judgment was the same. The isolation felt the same. In that very moment, all of the anger left. It disappeared. My illumination got brighter. So did hers. The magic began when we started illuminating together.

I learned that even when circumstances seem impossible, believing in someone is sometimes the only thing we can do. It’s never too late.  Here was another miracle out of what appeared to be nothing. Lillian created her life from what she saw as nothing. That day we took a stand to do whatever it took to prevent one more woman from experiencing that cycle of addiction. Lillian and I made a pact to each other to be a committed stand for women to heal, be whole and to illuminate. It started with us first.

Lillian has been clean since March 26, 2006. She beat all odds. According to meth stats she should be dead, in jail or still using. She made the difference in her own life. She made the difference in my life. Her illumination ignites possibilities she isn’t even aware of for those around her. She is a walking miracle.

I see that the gift of creating something out of nothing is in my blood. It’s in my heart. It’s who I am. It’s who I am because these powerful women have inspired me to jump off the edge of the cliff KNOWING I can fly. Even when I forget that my natural state is to soar.

Illumination begins with one woman in one moment who believes in the possibility more than the illusion of current circumstances. It starts with the tiny pebble in the ocean that creates the ripple. Women are the change makers. Illumination starts within and it starts with us. We have the power and the right to shine no matter what.  To be illuminated is different for every woman, but regardless when we join together, the light is unstoppable. It’s time to unite. It’s time to illuminate.

One woman can make a difference. It takes just one light for many to see.

Thank you to my sisters, friends and soul sisters for illuminating my life so I could brilliantly shine.

Authors Note:  Details in this article were printed with permission by the relatives of Angela Johnson, CEO and Founder of Illuminated Woman.