Illumination starts with the power of one woman. It starts with you.
I’m one of those people who believes that world peace is possible–In my lifetime. Now. I daydream about the impact that one person can have on millions from the tiniest act of kindness. I can see the ripples made when a tiny pebble drops into the ocean. – That ripple is felt and seen by millions. Then the question comes. What is my ripple? What is my impact? Do I make a difference?
I look back on the women in my life that not only made A difference, but made THE difference. In that moment when I questioned whether I could go forward, whether or not I mattered, there were women who stepped up and mirrored the possibilities of my greatness. They made THE difference so I could see the truth of who I am.
People who know me now, would not recognize the young-adult version of myself. At the time I was on a path of depression though I wasn’t aware of it. I thought it was normal to feel like I was moving through mud – that the “fog” within me normal. The depression and the desire to control those feelings, attached to an unhealthy body image, led me to Bulimia. This was my life for over six years and as I worked through my recovery, I used daydreaming to escape into imagining my ideal life. I pictured the life, I was surrounded by people who lived life to the fullest and together we joined arms and were unstoppable. I felt this image within my core and things started shifting even further.
Now looking back, I know what supported that shift. Several women made THE difference for me in those moments when I forgot my greatness. Sometimes it was the look, the hug, the conversation, the way they believed in me. If they could see through the “fog” could I?
My mother was one of those women. I saw her do whatever it took to make sure we had food on the table, clothes, education and presents to open on Christmas. At the time, I didn’t realize how good she was at creating miracles out of what appeared to be nothing. To me, it was normal mom power. I remember her staying up late on many nights to make school clothes and Christmas gifts. While my dad worked nights, she worked two or three jobs sometimes to hold it all together. I never saw her struggle with who she was, it appeared that she simply moved forward without hesitation. Now I realize what she must have been experiencing in addition to being super-mom. She had the same issues and experiences every woman has – the issues of being good enough, beautiful enough, rich enough, thin enough, smart enough and it goes on. When did she have time to address those life-altering questions?
My college graduation was different than most because the picture of me in my cap and gown has my mother standing next to me in her cap and gown. We both graduated with our Bachelors degree on the same day. We were two of the first to graduate from college on her side of the family. While working full-time and raising a family, she graduated with honors. That day was a gift that I opened years later when again I realized the power of how she created something out of “nothing.” That “nothing” was simply the space within her where she believed in the possibility more than the current circumstances. As I look at pictures of us wearing our cap and gown her smile means more than ever.
Part 2 Next: Illumination is Hereditary; We got it from my Grandmother
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